Do You Hear What I Hear?

What is wrong with us? It is a rather common question in the wake of the tragic shooting at the Sandy Hook Elementary school this past week. Yet there are other common questions, or should I say statements, in the wake of the shooting as well. I will get to some of those statements below...

Yet first, in light of the tragedy and the generally agreed upon "holiday season" in which we find ourselves (yes, I know Christmas coming...but it is technically Advent right now), I want to ask us all a question in the spirit of a song - "Do you hear what I hear?"

So, do you? If you do not, my hope is that after reading this post you will.

What I hear is a bunch of people not listening to one another. In fact, that is one of the things (not everything) wrong with us. We do not listen well. This should not be a shock, especially if you have any interaction with children. How many times have you said something to a child (even your own), and then asked them, "What did I just say?", only to discover their response is, well, lacking? Indeed it seems poor listening starts at an early age. So parents, be parents and help your children learn the skill of listening well. Yet (cue the weeping and wailing now), in order to do this you will have to model listening well...including towards them.

However, it is not merely that we do not listen well. No, poor listening is a compound problem. In fact, as we chronologically age (notice I did not say mature; everyone ages chronologically, not everyone matures), something else is added to our poor listening skills - we become defensive listeners. What is a defensive listener you ask? While I am sure I will tweak this definition in the future, a defensive listener is one who quickly (sometimes immediately) either dismisses or becomes offended by a statement with which they do not agree. Yet not only do they not agree, they reinforce what they have previously thought - often emphatically. As you can see, this leads to a heightening tension and does nothing to work toward a resolution. Generally speaking, defensive listeners think what they want to think and will not consider other options. Tragically, sometimes defensive listening stops a potentially constructive conversation before it ever gets started.

If we are honest with ourselves, I am certain we will discover, we have all been defensive listeners a time or four in our day. Yet when will we mature and learn the skill of listening well? When will we be able to actually hear another side of an issue without a) conjuring up a rebuttal while appearing to listen, or b) exploding and/or retorting with our previous point of view? When will we be able to acknowledge that maybe, just maybe (I know it is a stretch), we may not be right - or at least that someone else has some valid insight and concerns? I cannot even count the number of times I have been involved in conversations where "defensive listening" was on prime display. Sadly, I have been the culprit more than once. Basically those conversations can be charted in a downward slope toward chaos, polarization, and isolation. This is unfortunate because it did not have to happen that way.

I am not saying you cannot have your own opinion. What I am saying is you need to work at hearing "the other side" of the issue. This is vital because it is quite remarkable what often happens to people when they "feel heard". Have you ever seen it? Facial tension will be released, sometimes shoulders lower a bit, the tone of voice softens, sometimes even tears flow because they felt, catch this, valued. We all like to feel valued, do we not?

Now, back to opinions. Take the outcry for and against gun control in the wake of the recent shooting (or whenever the next tragedy like this happens). Graphics like these are common place now.

Is this really constructive? I suppose it may conjure up a laugh by some who agree, or even (as disturbing as this is) an "Amen". But is calling someone stupid helpful? If anything, it is this type of speech that gives way to more defensive listening. Perhaps a person is uninformed, but the jump to stupid is a bit extreme. Now, consider this. Do people who agree with this picture really think the "founding fathers" had the type of automatic assassination-style weapons in mind when they were talking about the right to bear arms? I kind of doubt it. In fact, I think they would see the danger in having them at all. But let us not miss this fact, how could they have known? That technology was not available then! Are you still listening?

Simply consider and acknowledge the fact that we do not know for certain what they would think - they are dead! (And for good measure.) I understand there is a concern of a "slippery slope of no return," and "if certain guns are banned then what is to stop them from taking my hunting guns?", or whatever. I realize this is a concern; in fact, I think I understand it. Yet let us not miss this...that seems driven by fear. And is not fear a portion of the same argument by those calling for more gun control? Oh, I realize there is logic involved, but the "other side" employs it too.

Furthermore, this line of thinking (i.e., the "slippery slope") is similar to people who have questions about God, and are told not to question or doubt because "if you start down that road, who knows where you will wind up". I understand that - I really think I do. Yet it would be interesting to know how many people have left the Christian faith over that stance (like being told it when they were younger) vs. those who would have had their faith strengthened if they would have had someone walk along with them in search of answers...

Oh yeah, what other examples can I utilize in the outcry for and against gun control? How about this one:

Now, I do not know the truth of those statistics, but the map is to show where stricter gun control laws exist the number of deaths decline. My assumption is they are correct. Yet I will give some thoughts from a friend's Facebook post; in it he raised issues like...
***the guns were stolen
***he shot his way through the glass to get in; why not have bullet-proof glass in schools
***why not have safe/lock down rooms; for protection against knife wielders and weather
***why not have better climate control so windows do not need to be open
***and a few more really good questions...
Basically the post was saying, in a respectful way, there are many more issues than simply the guns to consider. This, and other tragedies, warrant an ongoing discussion, not merely latching onto a piece of the whole and refusing to let go like a proposed veracious dog.

Well, this is getting rather long, so I will wrap it up - I think. Defensive listening is not good, it only contributes to a lack of understanding, polarization, and isolation. What is the solution? Well, the Bible calls us to "be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger" (James 1:19). It also warns us that "A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger" (Proverbs 15:1). Are you still listening my Christian brothers and sisters on the "right" and the "left"?

Furthermore, I will add that the Bible also says "A fool takes no pleasure in understanding, but only in expressing his opinion" (Proverbs 18:2), and in light of this warn my brothers and sisters in Christ. While the Bible says "the fool says in his heart there is no God" (Psalm 53:1), do not be uninformed to think this is talking merely about believing those words. What we say (believe) in our heart comes out in our actions (cf. Jesus in Mark 7:20-23). If "we," of all people, cannot seek to be peacemakers in situations where tempers rise and opinions are strengthened (due to defensive listening - cf. Prov18:2), then what does that say about "us"?

My concern is it shows we do not really believe in God - at least not the God of the Bible.

What!?!?! Some may retort... How dare you insinuate I do not believe in God!! But are you listening my brother/sister? The God of the Bible (not just our "right" or "left" culture-influenced Theology) also calls us to be peacemakers (Mt5:9). He also calls us to love our enemies (Mt6:43-48). In fact, He calls us to imitate Himself (Eph5:1).

I see nowhere in the Bible that says "thou shalt not infringe upon the rights of others to bear arms". Maybe it does, please enlighten me. Yet I am certain it does not give us permission to belittle and label others. In fact, we are called to love (Jn13:34-35), and that love leads to belief (Jn17:20-23), and that belief will lead to tragedies like whatever the most recent shooting is now decreasing...

Hmmm, in light of all of that; What is wrong with "us"?