If you frequent this page there is no need to state the obvious - but I will - I am sporadic with my posts. By the way, I am typing this on the fly...so I hope there is coherency to what you will read. But I have reflected some on why I am so sporadic.
#1) I am often unsure of myself. I certainly do not want to put something "out there" that is inaccurate. I want to be thorough and develop a point, but yet not be cumbersome and lose people. Where is the balance? Can I do this?
#2) I am confused by my motives. A "loose goal" of mine is to be a published author. In order to do this I need to write, a lot, and blogging is a way to accomplish this. Yet why do I want to publish? Is this a desire God has given me? Is this a desire I have for selfish reasons? Would "my material" be of help to people and further the Kingdom of God?
#3) I put pressure on myself. E.g., I go through periods of struggling to simply read the Bible. I struggle because if I am reading I think, "I need to make use of my time," so I want to trace a theme, etc. While this can be good...it can also lead to paralysis (for me) because, "what theme?". In relation to blogging I have thought, "Seriously, I posted two weeks ago now...I need to post something..." Then comes...
#4) I am disappointed in myself. This is a killer for me. Why not simply read and enjoy the Bible or a book? Why think I need to publish another post? I can even be disappointed that I am disappointed in myself. This leads to...
I have recently learned, both more fully and for the first time, that I am at my best when the pressure is off. You will notice #'s 1-4 start with "I". The overwhelming majority of the time any "pressure" I feel comes from me. I may expand on this later... Yet does God want me to feel pressure? Or does God want me to rest and live pressure free as I trust in His grace?
When I rest in His grace I am most free. I am free to think, free to create, free to have the Holy Spirit say "Hey, look at this" as I read in the Bible (or anything), free to enjoy nature, free to enjoy time with others instead of thinking of a myriad of other things I could be doing. In short I am free to be the person He created me to be...one who realizes a personal need for grace and lives a life shaped by it.
In summary - my sporadicism is because of my immaturity. Thankfully God is bigger than that.
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